WARNING! My English is still bad. I can write grammatically correct sentences sometimes, but they must start with the letter Z. It is an ancient family curse.
So! Here we are again. This episode was hard to produce, because I took too many screenshots during my last session. Now the pics are out of order and mixed with close-ups of Zoe Castillo (the Dreamfall character I want to recreate in The Sims 4).
As a result, the chronology might be all over the place.
I do remember something about walking back to the tavern…
Right. It would be naive to think that I can just return to Defender’s Heart. In this world, you can go out for groceries and suddenly find yourself in the dragon’s lair.
I don’t know who this lady is, but I must find out how she achieved such levels of hair spikyness. I mean, seriously. Kenabres doesn’t strike me as a place where the rivers flow with hair gel.
Thalassiel knows the answer, but doesn’t quite understand the situation yet. For the time being, she decides to hide the fact that her Lore checks are not tied to the Wisdom attribute.
Also, starting your sentences with the word “actually” is an obnoxious habit.
Wait a sec. This aurochs thingy is a prehistorical bull, essentially. Looks like our Ms. Spiky Hair is one of those teachers. You know the type. They won’t accept your “2 plus 2 equals 4” crap. You must prove it in the prescribed way.
Bitterleaf is not surprised by this outcome in the slightest. Reasonable people do not become cultists. They don’t fight the demons either, come to think of it. Reasonable people can be so damn boring sometimes.
Still, one has to wonder if the Hair Chick had the Plan B to ensure her own survival. Or even the Plan A, for that matter. Our party wasn’t supposed to be here, after all.
I wish there was a way to avoid this battle. Don’t get me wrong, Thalassiel is a killing machine, but this encounter almost always happens on your way to Defender’s Heart. Party can be exhausted, out of spells, suffering from disease and attribute drain…
Intimidation check wouldn’t go amiss is what I’m trying to say.
This is official: Thalassiel Bitterleaf is a character from the novel written by Jules Verne.
I can’t think of another reason why she knows all this shit. Stick around if you want to see her walking towards the enemy citadel and blowing it up with nitroglycerin lemons.
Here’s another example of me skipping the dialogue options for the sake of roleplaying.
Thalassiel is not bothered by Nenio’s casual rudeness. That’s why she never tries to introduce herself. Even former underground chemists prefer to remain anonymous, I assume.
This picture is from the future! Nenio is level 4 which means I didn’t try to strangle her for being such an insufferable smartass.
The reason I show it to you is Nenio herself. She used to have darker skin and didn’t look like her portrait at all. Then some mad lad or lass created the new 3D model. Not only it looks more like Nenio, but you can even see the smug half-smile on her little Nenio face.
Owlcats’ attention to absolutely inconsequential details never ceases to amaze me.
Jeb is once again making his presence known to remind us about the importance of Perception. You can’t return to the location where you meet Nenio, so the loot here can be lost permanently.
I wouldn’t be able to sleep easy ever again if that actually happened.
The previous attempt to get drunk and celebrate their stupidity wasn’t enough for the citizens of Kenabres. They want to double down - like roulette players whose microscopic brains can’t process the basics of the probability theory.
No wonder Thalassiel is Neutral Evil. Imagine actually caring about these dipshits.
Bitterleaf tries to reason with this bunch. Like most alcoholics, they refuse to acknowledge the problem. They have a system, you see. Only half of the available warriors will be inebriated and unable to fight effectively. Another half is scheduled to get sloshed tomorrow.
League of the Inspiring Cart, my ass.
Goodness gracious. It wasn’t enough for them to piss Thalassiel off. Now Seelah wants me to accept the side quest. Looking for the wedding ring in the mud sounds like FUN.
Do you know why our heroine passionately hates heroic quests?
It goes like this. Thalassiel enters the dirt-colored village. The inhabitants of the same hue immediately jump at the chance to outsource their monster problem.
One of the yokels separates himself from the unwashed masses. He is an ealdorman, judging by the finest mud smeared upon his gnarled visage.
The ealdorman does the talking because he is the only villager capable of speaking without terrible folksy accent. He describes the terrible beast whose lair is located “over the yonder”.
Which way one should go to reach this mysterious “yonder” is one of the many topics masterfully avoided by the ealdorman. The payment for Thalassiel’s services is another.
“I am a healer. Does anyone here need some healing?” Bitterleaf asks.
What a silly question. Of course they don’t. This proud village has its own cleric. That’s right - a cleric, here. He worships the local god of beetle dung and rotten chestnuts.
And that’s how the healer of unmatched skill and intelligence ends up in the situation where she has to look for some unspecified beast over the unspecified yonder.
The worst part? You can’t even ask “what on Earth is this yonder thing?” Remember, the conversation takes place on Golarion. This ealdorman prick doesn’t even know how to spell “Earth”, let alone the meaning of the word.
Now you know why Thalassiel Bitterleaf hates heroic quests.
Okay, back to the grind. The party is very close to the next level. I need to murder someone for their loot and XP.
I do plan to hire Woljif eventually. He is an okay guy. Maybe a tad grating because of his “I’m a tiefling thief, I am, I am” attitude.
The Blackwing Library is the place where we are expected to find a blind elf. According to Irabeth, he has some useful intel about Wardstones.
I’m surprised to find an actual library, albeit ruined. The name is perfect for a record store from the 90’s, where you could buy the bootleg tapes of the bands you’ve never heard of.
Aha! Thanks to Bitterleaf’s keen senses, I can skip to the part where I extract the juicy XP from Chaleb’s lifeless body. At least, that was the plan…
Trickster choice completely derails the conversation.
I can’t tell if Wenduag is playing along or genuinely thinking that I’m hiring this idiot, but her presence makes Thalassiel’s bullshit more authentic.
The best thing about this whole interaction is that I currently have no idea what the consequences will be. Probably nothing major.
With Foulsnout out of the way, I can free Storyteller and other martyrs-to-be. Thalassiel is now level 4. We’re about to hit the big leagues.
Reasonable people would invest the extra attribute point in something important - in my case, Dexterity or Intelligence. I dropped it in Constitution because of my crippling fear of
Ah, the Silken Thread Atelier. I have no idea why we are suddenly here. Must be this chronological mix-up I mentioned earlier.
Anevia has mentioned this place as one of the spots where cultists congregate. Thalassiel doesn’t know it yet, but her true power will begin to manifest here.
The cultists inside sound like they are partying. They also sound vaguely Finnish.
This is not a good enough reason to kill them, but if it was, I’d call it “an acoustic crime”. I can’t tell if I’m using the words correctly, but screw it.
It’s an awkward situation. Wenduag tries to appear nonchalant as she draws her bow. Guards pretend to be tough enough to survive the first volley.
Let me tell you, there is nothing more terrifying than a nonchalant spider-cat-girl. Especially when she is trying to whistle.
Both guards die almost instantly. At this rate, Wenduag will be launching intercontinental ballistic missiles by the endgame.
By the way, do you know how Wendu’s haircut looks like?
IT’S A MOHAWK. Now everything makes sense. She’s a punk.
“Sparkling Fist” is such an unimaginitive nickname. I can’t even come up with a good way to mock it. I do know how to violently turn it into something ironic.
Here’s some advice: don’t call yourself Sparkling Fist unless you want to find out which of your other body parts (and\or orifices) have the potential to sparkle.
This must be the Tower of Estrod, the next place in my itinerary. At least, I hope it was the next. Screenshots from this section were wedged between Cocteau Twins’ songs and scans of my coffee-stained notes about the things I can’t remember.
Vision of Yaniel is attacking the party because Thalassiel is evil. Fair enough. Her aim is off though. She chose Seelah - the only person who is both religious and good - as her first target. The irony is delicious.
Maybe I should try to be Lawful Good instead. Looks like the angels don’t even need a decent excuse to murder someone.
“But why?” - “Because you are darkness”
Few moments pass in complete silence. Was the vision right? It is said that the absolute power corrupts absolutely, but the simple truths often become stereotypes which, in turn, mutate into prejudices. I’m not sure if this sentence even makes sense.
Anyway. Let’s have a look at the exhibits in this museum.
Is it just me, or the legendary hero Yaniel appears to be very short? Like an overgrown halfling. Or a very weird looking…
Bitterleaf, go talk to him. As your chronicler, I can make sarcastic comments about the actual events. STANDING DWARF IS NOT AN EVENT, THALASSIEL.
I was very tempted to choose Chaotic option and show Greybor how the real killing is done. However, being all flashy is not in Thalassiel’s character.
Like all criminals in Kenabres, our new acquaintance is incredibly forthright. The underworld in this place is more like a giant constellation of incompetence, and Greybor is one of the stars. Perhaps not the biggest one - he is discreet enough to keep the identity of his employer secret - but a star nonetheless.
Irabeth needs to know about the comings and goings in the Tower of Estrod, so it’s back to the tavern again.
The closing shot today is the one with Storyteller. At some point, his ratty appearance was upgraded. Now he is an icon of fashion. THE CHAD-TELLER.
…okay, that one was terrible. I need some sleep. Until next time.
It was just one screenshot. One! You will have the entire episode soon!
Fine, whatever. There is only one business around these parts…
AND THAT’S CRUSADE BUSINESS!
TO BE CONTINUED.